“...by opening our hearts, revealing our scars, we are made human and flawed and whole.
i am ready to be whole."
― Mark T. Sullivan, Beneath a Scarlet Sky
Yup! That's it. Whole. Not that I was ever broken but certainly there were days where that was debatable. You know, those days where one more text of "hang in there, it's gonna get better" just makes you want to toss the Droid in the toilet....or "cry girl cry! just let it out!" when seriously your eyes are already swollen shut and you are so dehydrated that you can barely swallow. You know, THAT?!?! I have never been afraid to show my scars, to show my humanness, and God knows I have never claimed to be unflawed....yet, and YET, there was a need to be in the cocoon. To be IN not OF. To let things fester and boil and alchemize and grow and die and simmer and rot and heal and grow some more. And every time I thought I was "done"... I just wasn't. One friend so kindly reminded me to surrender and just drop to the very very bottom....like the analogy of going to the bottom of the swimming pool so you can gather strength and push off the bottom to soar to the top. YES! THAT!!! So now, 365 days later... and upon finishing Mark T. Sullivan's book hearing the main character say the line above, I KNEW I was ready. I had been to THE bottom and launched off ...emerging above the water. Wow! What up World?!?!?!?
"I am so glad you are Here!" This is what I have heard. Over. And over. Here in this body. Here in this time. Here fully (and sometimes not so fully...but HERE)! My Soul has always been waiting for me, guiding me, gently nudging me, calmly abiding. I met Her (again) a few months ago and I asked her, "Are you my Soul or are you God?" ..... the reply "Meh, semantics....if you need them. It is the same thread". I was not surprised since this has been my felt sense for as long as I can remember. Nonetheless, I was greeted by the Divine within me ... this thread that is all pervasive and all loving and never ever turns away. NO. MATTER. WHAT.
I was told many years ago that our hearts become like patchwork quilts over time, pieced together from all the pains and hurts that we have experienced....and if you have too many you will simply shut down and not open it anymore. Wow! What a belief I had swallowed! On my second night at #Rythmia, dancing with the plant medicine I was shown that belief in it's full regalia and offered an opportunity to release the "patches". I actually said no. Um what? No? Can you believe that? Nonsense! "I earned those patches"...my ego said..."if I give them up I will just have to earn them again. And that was too much pain." Again, WOW! I was gently reminded that I actually already had my new heart free of said patches. It had been there all along (Hello Dorthy, you never LEFT Kansas!)!! Ahhh, so I asked Her to show me my heart. It was indeed an amazingly WHOLE beautiful cascade of kaleidoscope colors. Breathtaking....and yet simple. Pure. Scars and all. Flawed and vibrant. Can you be that? Are you willing to be flawed and live FULL OUT?
And so to answer why Soul Vessel? Because She, the Soul, the Thread, lives inside this vessel - the body, MY body. Like a tree that has roots into Mother Earth and branches that reach to Father Sky, our body needs constant nourishment, nurturing, pruning, watering, feeding, rest, activity. It (the vessel) HOLDS our Soul essence. Our Soul is eternal but the vessel is not (unless you are a vampire and even that has limits). So we must care for it the best we can while we are in THIS ONE. Now! A spiritual warrior must own the power of the body because it is the mechanism with which we live out our Soul's work. You cannot just/only pray away, meditate away, breathe away DIS-ease in the body. While those tools are immensely important, a #spiritualwarrior knows and uses many tools including clean, healthy living food; clean filtered water; deep, restful sleep; essential oils; functional movement; walks in nature; being in community of like minded beings; ... you get the idea. This is what I have learned - we need ALL of it! And I am excited to share my ponderings with you as we journey together! The next time you look at a tree, see if you can envision your SoulVessel..... and share your insights with me. And live FULL OUT!
Much Love and Gratitude....~yvonne xo